Talking Treads

Today is sports jersey day at the office. As it turns out I’m the only person in a cycling jersey – surprise! Here’s a list of things I want to do while I’m wearing it.

• While in a meeting, about half way through, reach into my jersey pocket, pull out GU packet, rip into it with my teeth, spit the foil, and suck down the contents.
• Have someone come into the meeting urgently and hand me a water bottle they’ve stuffed down the back of their shirt.
• With just a couple of minutes left in the meeting take a big gulp from my water bottle then throw it to the side of the room.
• Either at my cubicle or in a meeting, have the wheel on my chair fall off, I’d throw my hand in the air and someone would run up behind me with a new chair. Depending on how long it took, I may or may not throw my broken chair on the ground.
• Sit inches behind a co-worker while they work.
• Yell at someone in Italian when they won’t do what I’ve asked.
• Have someone hand me a musette as I walk down the hall.
• Look through the mussette putting things I want in my jersey pockets discarding the rest with a frown.
• Change the sign on the restroom to read “Doping Control”.
• Have someone run around next to me waving a giant Californian flag.
• Pass someone on the stairs and give them “the look.”